youre lurking in front of me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
