I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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