The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My room smells like vodka and shame
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
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just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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