Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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