dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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