Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.