My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.