the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.