I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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