I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My feet surprised me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize