She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
