he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
