Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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