Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
