420 ftw
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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