i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize