Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
