is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize