we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
