omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
