he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.