I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing