I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.