Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
