drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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