It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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