those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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