My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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