I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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