I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
