He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
soo... how was my night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
