Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
