it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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