this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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