I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
