I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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