at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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