you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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