you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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