I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
