She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.