I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.