Im at strip club and am horny
i only shaved half my leg
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.