Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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