I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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