I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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