you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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