Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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