I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
