She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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