Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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