I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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