Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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