apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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