remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
