also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
