Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.