Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating