her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.