I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.