apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.