the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?