I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize