I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize